Last year was almost my first Mother's Day. It seemed like more of a faux day considering my child was still in my womb and I hadn't actually done any "mothering" yet. In fact, at that point in time, I had still never held a newborn baby before.
It wouldn't be until a month later when my friend gave birth to a boy in June and I went to visit them, that I would get to hold one. And it wasn't until five months later when I would get to hold my own baby for the first time.
As of last year, the most "mothering" I had done was cleaning up my cat's kitty litter. But now, my daughter is five and a half months old and this Mother's Day felt like a milestone for me.
Of course, I've always looked forward to pampering my own mother on Mother's Day. Every year, whenever my sister and I happen to be in the same state or even country on this particular day, we take our mom out to lunch and a movie and enjoy the day with her. But this year was different. Because I was a mother, too.
So this year, my sister, mom and my daughter, Sansa, enjoyed breakfast together at Bonefish Grille -- I swear I thought that place only sold fish guts and mermaid tails. But it turns out they have a pretty good eggs Benedict. Who knew.
Afterwards, my mom and I went to Showplace Cinemas East -- it was just the two of us, while my sister went to work and my boyfriend watched my daughter.
And as we sat and watched that silly, ridiculous, over the top mom-com some of you may have heard of called "Snatched," we couldn't help but laugh and cry together. It wasn't necessarily that the movie was so good, but that the themes touched on struggles my mom and I have had with each other over the years and it made me realize that my little baby won't always be so little and I won't always be able to control things.
I have always been grateful to my mother for the wonderful opportunities she has provided me and all of the love, encouragement and unconditional love she has bestowed upon me and my sister.
But becoming a mother has made me appreciate my mother even more. I have now been sworn into the not-so-secret-sisterhood-of-mothers and I know how hard it can be with just one. I can't believe my mom raised two babies at the same time. I am a twin you see, which makes my mom pretty much superwoman.
So it's safe to say that if I'm superwoman's daughter, that makes me ... supergirl? If so, I hope my superpower is being a good mom. I may be a younger mother and don't have all of the answers in the world, but one thing I know for sure is that my love for my daughter is pure and unwavering. And I would do anything to protect her.
My main goal is to give my daughter the most wonderful, happy life. I want to take her on adventures, teach her to be kind, understanding and patient, help guide her through tough times and kick the ass of any boy that ever dares to break her heart.
But for all my lofty goals of motherhood, I sometimes still feels like I am still recovering from those first few weeks after I had Sansa, when my C-section pain was never ending, and I didn't recognized the lumpy, scarred body in the mirror.
But even though sometimes the pain from my surgery made it almost unbearable to get out of bed to feed Sansa, her wants and needs became more important than mine and they always will.
These past five months of being Sansa's mother have been the most rewarding and hard months of my life. I've learned to accept that just because my body is different now, it does not mean I am not as strong or beautiful as I was before I became a mother. In fact, I think it means I am even more.
But what I have learned most from becoming a mother is selflessness.
Every time I got sick during my pregnancy -- which was every day -- every sleepless night gained from cooing Sansa back to sleep and every stretch mark is worth it a thousand times over, because I have created a tiny human that I love more than words could ever describe.
Becoming a mother made me understand and appreciate love on a whole new level. I am my daughter's person. I feed her, clothe her, change her, provide her and quite frankly, suffocate her with love and kisses on a daily basis.
Her cries of sadness or hunger hurt my feelings. All I ever want is to see that big, beautiful smile on her face. I miss her like crazy when I am at work and probably spend too much time talking about her or thinking about her. But I just can't help it. She's my baby.
Now, although I still have a lifetime of motherhood left and have more obstacles and milestones to face with my baby, it doesn't scare me.
Because just like my mom has lived for my sister and I our entire lives, I too, will live for you Sansa.